“I Feel Like You’re Just Here For The Zip Line.” The 46 Funniest Jokes From ‘I Think You Should Leave’ Season 3

Season 3, Episode 1: “THAT WAS THE EARTH TELLING ME I’M SUPPOSED TO DO SOMETHING GREAT.”

1. “I’ll size ya up and I’ll cut ya down! But if I feel like you’re getting the best of me, I have no problem being on my phone the whole show.”

2. “I have everything on this phone. I always just look at it. If I ever feel weird at all, I’m just looking at it.”

3. “Don’t cough.”

4. Man: Admit that I won.
Tim: Let me look at this!
Man: You’re just embarrassed because you thought…
Tim: No, my mom’s getting robbed.
Man: And she’s texting you about it?
Tim: The guys are.
Man: What are they texting?
Tim: Sent me a picture of her tied up with an apple in her mouth. Let her go.

5. “And Ronnie, I feel like you’re just here for the zip line.”

6. Mike: He’s too rough on the rope.
Ronnie: Shut up, Mike.
Mike: He pulls on the rope. He wrenches on the rope. He thinks it’s his.
Ronnie: Shut up, Mike.
Mike: It’s just, you yanked on the rope so hard.
Ronnie: I said shut up, Mike.

8. “We love you, dad. We shouldn’t have danced in the kitchen when you had all your stuff on the marble island.”

10. “When I was a kid, I fell into a river and a fish bumped me out of the water. I was supposed to die, but a fish bumped me out with its nose.”

Season 3, Episode 2: “I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT.”

1. “You’re not gonna get vermin, you’re not gonna get intruders, and you’re definitely not gonna get this thing:

2. “My next door neighbor put a Richard Nixon mask on a pig and had it go through my doggy door because we’d been arguing over a property line.”

3. “But I didn’t know what the fuck was happening cause I barely been sleeping since my wife got flipped upside down by a swing dancer at a wedding. He must’ve flipped my wife eight times! And it really bothered me.”

4. “When you can’t sleep and you see that thing, you’re not just like right away ‘That’s a pig with a mask.’ You’re like, ‘That’s gonna kill me, that’s real, that lives with us on Earth.'”

6. “I’m not a stupid fuckin’ idiot. I know it was just a pig. But for 50 seconds, it felt really real. And when you think you’re gonna get eaten and your first thought is ‘Great, I don’t have to go to work tomorrow.’ You’re relieved you don’t have to go to work because you thought you were gonna get eaten!? What the fuck is this world? What have they done to us? What did they do to us?!

7. “That one egg was 40 eggs?”

8. “It’s got a bush? What the hell?”

10. Man: Marcus, this is very serious. You can’t look at porn in the office.
Marcus: Porn? That’s a nude egg I won from my game. I’m not in trouble at all. Now… we should be able to look at a little porn at work. 

11. “He had a piece of plywood painted black, like it was the wall of the limo. Like it was the end of the limo. But I could hear people in there. And there was a part of it that was over the ice tray. And sometimes we’d see a hand come under the plywood and grab the ice tray to pull it to their side, and the hand had a Super Bowl ring on it. And every few minutes the wall would push up, like they were trying to get more space. And when I asked the driver what was going on, he said, ‘Shut up.'”

12. “I was showing my date a picture of a bunny and what the bunny was doing, and then 150 springs hit her in the face. The springs when in her soup. There was 300 springs in her soup.”

Season 3, Episode 3: “CUT TO: WE’RE CHATTING ABOUT THIS AT YOUR BACHELOR PARTY.”

1. “Oh my God, Cranston. Cut to: Chatting about this at your bachelor party.”

2. “I wanted to look extraordinary for you tonight. But it appears my barber may have been looking at a picture of a dog when he gave me this haircut.”

3. Doctor: Don’t say you were jacking off when you were at Haunted House!
Tim: It doesn’t fuckin’ matter.
Doctor: It does!

5. Worker: Hi, can I take your order?
Tim: 55 burgers, 55 fries, 55 tacos, 55 pies, 55 Cokes, 100 tater tots, 100 pizzas, 100 tenders, 100 meatballs, 100 coffees, 55 wings, 55 shakes, 55 pancakes, 55 pastas, 55 peppers, and 155 taters.

6. “Fine, you win. That’s fine. I just wanted to do something good this morning before alcohol class.”

8. Candy: Dogs are to Steven what rats are to me.
Robert: Understood.
Candy: Cause I’m the rat mom.
Robert: Yeah, well, it’s not for me to decide which animals are worse than others.

Season 3, Episode 4: “SO NOW EVERY TIME I’M ABOUT TO DO SOMETHING I REALLY WANT TO DO, I ASK MYSELF, ‘WAIT A MINUTE, WHAT IS THIS?'”

1. “I thought it’d be funny to be like a wild man in the pool. I was fighting everybody in the pool and trying to splash water in their mouths. So now I pay more.”

2. “These fuckin’ wrestlers keep coming in and practicing their slams on proposal ground! I accidentally built the perfect ring.”

3. “I built this place for love. Now, Toilet Truck made someone pretend he was a truck. You can’t be here, Toilet Truck!”

5. “Promise me a million times that you’ll never do another rule.”

Season 3, Episode 5: “DON’T JUST SAY ‘RELAX,’ ACTUALLY RELAX.”

1. Randall: I really thought he was bringing around a body bag!
Coworker: You really thought a man was bringing a bag with a dead body in it from office to office to show everyone?
Randall: I didn’t know office to office!

2. “Do not say anything he says is interesting or good. Otherwise, he’s gonna keep picking up stuff and saying it’s other stuff.”

3. “Three seconds to think of something silly? That’s fucking insane! That’s not enough time. I blanked. I gagged on a purple feather.”

4. Tim Meadows: Hey, where are you going?
Wedding Guest: To relax! I already had my picture taken with the star of the night. I like what I did.
Tim Meadows: That’s because you don’t have business deals on the line.
Wedding Guest: I do! A ton! I have 15 investors for the Pelling Ball.
Tim Meadows: What the fuck is the Pelling Ball?
Wedding Guest: It’s a game.
Tim Meadows: It doesn’t sound fun.
Wedding Guest: Okay, I just had six dinners with Bart Lee cause the Pelling Ball’s not fun.
Tim Meadows: Who the hell is Bart Lee? 
Wedding Guest: You ever heard of John Richter?
Tim Meadows: No.
Wedding Guest: You know nothing about games.
Tim Meadows: Knowing about games isn’t cool.”

Season 3, Episode 6: “WHEN I FIRST THOUGHT OF THIS YOU DIDN’T EVEN HAVE HANDS UP THERE — YOU WERE JUST WALKING STRAIGHT UP THE WALL.”

1. “Back away, banana breath. What the hell did you just eat? A banana?”

2. Dan: Is there any way to make it look like this wall is your ground?
Metaloid Maniac: No. There’s no way to do that, Dan.
Dan: Okay, that… let me explain it to you. That’s your wall. You built that.
Metaloid Maniac: You can have whatever story you want. I can’t get around at all.
Dan: Alright, what’s really going on? Hmm?
Metaloid Maniac: I had a very difficult conversation with my daughter this morning.
Dan: That’s hard. That’s… hard. What can we do to make you look like your going crazy up there like a bug?

3. Draven: I’m mad at you! You’re not following me on Instagram.
David: Oh, didn’t know you were on there.
Draven: I’m on there.
David: Okay, I’ll look you up. I’ll find ya.
Draven: It’s okay. I went ahead and followed myself from your phone.

4. “I think I just slept with Frankenstein’s chick!”

5. Draven: They’re fucking coming after me in the comments! The woman that played Frankenstein’s chick is saying… I paid her in fast food. Saying I paid her in Santa Fe chicken sandwich.
David: Why are they saying you paid her in fast food? Why would they say that?
Draven: Because I did! I don’t know how to do this stuff!