‘Earth Girls Are Easy’ Is a Horny ‘80s Fever Dream That Makes ‘No Hard Feelings’ Look G-Rated

Everyone knows that ’80s movies are horny and weird, but 1988’s Earth Girls Are Easy—which is streaming free with ads on Amazon’s Freevee—takes horny and weird to an entirely new level. Geena Davis spends half off the movie sopping wet in a skimpy pink bikini, attempting to fend off three furry aliens who crash landed in her pool—played by Jeff Goldblum, Damon Wayans, and Jim Carrey—who want to have sex with her. Also? It’s a freakin’ musical.

Yes, you read that correctly: Not only are three hairy, gibberish-speaking aliens trying to get with a scantily-clad Earth babe, they are also singing songs about it. If you were clutching your pearls over a 32-year-old trying to have sex with a 19-year-old while watching No Hard Feelings, you’re really going to have a difficult time with this film.

Directed by Julien Temple, with a screenplay written by Julie Brown, Charlie Coffey, Terrence E. McNally—apparently based on a 1984 song from Brown’s EP—the plot of Earth Girls Are Easy is straightforward, albeit ridiculous. Geena Davis is a simple-minded but beautiful manicurist from the Valley— named Valerie, of course— who really, really, really wants to have sex with her fiancé. But her fiancé is apparently a Grade-A idiot, because he’d rather cheat on her instead. Valerie is left broken-hearted and sexually unsatisfied. Enter three equally horny space aliens, who are about to rock Valerie’s world.

These aliens are named Mac, Wiploc, and Zeeboo, and are covered in fur and alarming amounts of red, blue, and yellow paint. Mac (the blue one, played by Goldblum) is the leader, while Wiploc (the red one, Jim Carrey) and Zeebo (the yellow one, Damon Wayans) are his wingmen. They are just as intrigued by Davis’s glistening skin, long legs, and perky breasts as the camera seems to be, and so, in an attempt to woo Valerie, crash their spaceship into her pool. Thanks to a bit of plot mumbo-jumbo, their spaceship shrinks down and sinks to the pool floor. Valerie decides to show her new alien friends around Earth, while she works on draining her pool.

I would say that the plot doesn’t matter, but, honestly, the absurdity is half the fun. Thankfully— for the sake of Goldblum, Carrey, and Wayans’ pores—Valerie gets her friend at the salon to give the aliens a “human” makeover. Carrey becomes a twink, Wayans is a player, and Goldblum, of course, is the dreamy hunk. In classic ’80s movie style, Valerie cruises around town with her new childlike hotties in tow, and they party the night away.

And yes, obviously, Geena Davis has sex with Jeff Goldblum. Yes, they make the sex scene a bizarre, ethereal, pseudo-musical number. I’m sorry to keep repeating the phrase “horny fever dream,” but there’s really no other way to describe it. Valerie is feeling down in the dumps about her break-up, so Goldblum promises to make her “feel good.” Valerie protests that, oh, she couldn’t possibly. What if they aren’t anatomically compatible? Then she see’s Goldblum’s (off-screen) penis, and decides, actually, they are compatible. The other-worldly, over synthesized ’80s ballad swells, and Davis and Goldblum tumble into a slow-motion montage of out-of-this-world love-making.

There’s never any R-rated nudity—well, maybe one or two “accidental” nip-slips for Davis—and yet somehow every scene of this film radiates animalistic sexuality. In fact, somehow, the movie is rated PG. (PG-13 ratings began four years earlier, in 1984, but apparently, the Motion Picture Association didn’t think those tight speedos and pink bikini warranted that.) And yet compared to Jennifer Lawrence and Andrew Barth Feldman’s ultimately sweet and borderline innocent relationship in the R-rated No Hard Feelings, the off-the-charts horniness in Earth Girls Are Easy feels downright pornographic. And also, yes, there is a dance-off on the beach. Hollywood just doesn’t make make movies this randy any more!